Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
