meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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