Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
