and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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