So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
