He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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