In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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