i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Randomize
