Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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