what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
