After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
