i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
