She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
