Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
