I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize