You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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