I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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