I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
