she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
