do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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