Whod you bang
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
