Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i now understand why vodka
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
