margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
