I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
