the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
