that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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