You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
