ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
