Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
