Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
