i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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