You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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