Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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