turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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