What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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