I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
