so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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