great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
