The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
where am i from again
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
