So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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