I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You ruined the universe
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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