my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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