I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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