I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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