Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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