You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize