You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
