you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
