I will die if light touches me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He has the fingertips of a God
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