he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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