Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
