The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hell yes lets make some ravioli
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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