before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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