I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
