I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
