He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
