I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
