Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
