We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
