____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
