Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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