Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
