after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
