This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
